I can't give you any medical or psychological reasons for my reaction to the panic attacks from agoraphobia I had recent;y, all I can say is that whatever happened has kept me on edge since the event. I can't relax or sleep.
Doctors say the mind is affected after three days without sleep, mine is already; it's as if all the roads to my calm places have been cut off.
I can cope with my condition if I can keep moving, it becomes unbearable when I need to stay in one place, or if the exits are blocked.
After years of considering how my insomnia started, I decided it started back in the mid-1970's when I would stay up to listen to the cricket commentaries from Australia.
Several years ago, I was the victim of mob mentality twice within a year.
The first incident came when I won the award for this book, the leader of the mob was a person(?) who had pilloried me online for months - despite it being against the site rules - in the end, she had to admit I am a better writer than she is, I beat her in a Facebook writing contest - I did not want to enter - beating her in a contest that she had no control over must have stung her ego. I can't say as I left the site months before the contest; I did think of rejoining the site just to see her reaction, but that isn't my way.
The other incident occurred at a writers club here in Bristol, this is the only time I had given a public reading since leaving college in the 70s', and I wish I'd not joined the club. The incident came after I did a reading from my bestselling e-book (Forgestriker), a week later, a person in the club started a witch hunt because I re-posted a Facebook against dog-fighting; he assumed I was part of the paramilitary group posting the original post.
Because he ran the club, I was tried by a kangaroo court in absentia; that is what annoyed the most, nobody asked me for an explanation because the group leader had spoken out against me.
I am not surprised at the actions, or the results, some people cannot accept I am a better writer than they are, I am surprised at how the actions were undertaken if you have an issue with my let's talk it out, not go behind my back and undermine my work as valueless.
Agoraphobia in my future.
It's a day since my panic attacks from agoraphobia, and I am still shaking; the worst is not here yet as later this month I need to face an inquest to fight for some that got taken from my benefits payments.
I haven't been online today as I needed to go to the hospital for a check-up.
What could have been a pleasant day out, my first since June, turned into a nightmare' my agoraphobia had me in its grip from the time I went to bed last night until a few hours ago.
I have been back to our house for over three hours, and I'm still shaking from going out.
I had three panic attacks today; one was in the hospital with the specialist in attendance.
I can usually keep the attacks at bay if I can keep moving, but at the hospital I had to wait for over 30 mins to see the specialist for less than 10 minutes, that wait brought on my attack.
Pipes and Drums.
During my tenure in the Royal Air Force, I was stationed for 2 1/2 years at RAF Lossiemouth, Morayshire, Scotland.
Having served in Scotland, I am entitled to wear the RAF tartan, while I was in Scotland, I did consider the idea as there is a shop in nearby Elgin that makes the kilts.
One of the most exciting experiences I had is marching in front of a pipe band. I can understand why the Scots fight so hard, hearing the pipes behind you makes you feel strong enough to challenge any foe.
For the first time since I was introduced to coffee by some US airmen in 1985 I can no longer drink the beverage as my Ehlers Danlos Syrndrome has shrunk my throat and coffee would induce a coughing fit.
This photo is from RAF Cosford where I did my trade training, and help set up both the indoor track and the RAF Cosford museum, which is haunted by the ghost of a Lancaster crew.
Another concept I had was finding a book on clan history, as military history is an interest of mine.
Is there a conflict of interests?
Do I see selling erotica as a conflict of interests with my current stories about Christianity?
In short, No.
The crux of the matter depends on how long you have known my writing, and how you view me as a writer.
People who have known my writing for only a year or two could see me as a Christian writer.
If you have read my work for five years, you may see me as a Science Fiction writer.
To the few who have followed me since I began a decade will not be surprised to know that I see no conflict of interest here.
The reason is I see myself as a writer, no more, and as such, I write stories of many genres; I draw the line at what I class as porn, but I never denied I wrote two erotic romances.
If I thought there would be sales for a sequel I would write a sequel. but this story has not sold.
Sexual Explosions by Lana Pawcel.
Several years ago, I wrote an erotica short story under the pen name of Lana Pawcel (an anagram of my name); it has never been a big seller but Sexual Explosions has sold again.
The odd thing about this story, not me writing erotica, is that only last night I thought of introducing the possibility of a sequel into the story line of my story - www.alsdominion.co.uk/the-reading-room/the-lodge.
Again, the new story is relying on the readers to read the story if I am to write it.
Enuii wins the day.
I will probably not be online after next month, I have reached the bottom and become a Ghost Brand - www.alsdominion.co.uk/home/the-ghost-brand - and have no energy to fight my way off after a decade long struggle to get my work recognized.
So, I hope you enjoyed the last week of the blog.
Over the years, friends and colleagues have compared me/ my writing to various people.
I have been said to think like a Jew, probably because I have never had a lot and I have always felt oppressed even by my parents so I can understand their struggle for an identity.
I used to chat with friends in the USA, and I got told I write like an American that has changed this year as I no longer talk online.
A friend in the USA told me that I wrote like Wilkie Collins, Lord, I hope not, I tried to read the Moonstone and found it dull. Other people tell me my sci-fi is like the work of H.P. Lovecraft, to be honest until I got told that I had not heard of the man.
Other people liken my writing to that of Ray Bradbury.
The latest comment is that my views on Christianity are similar to those of C.S. Lewis.
My final e-books.
The only stories coming out this year will be any I choose to finish on here; I am not bringing out any more e-books as the constant fall in sales for my work has shown there is no interest in my stories, other than reading them free on here.
I keep coming up with the ideas for stories but I keep telling myself why should I bother writing them?