The end of all my hopes.
I have been telling myself to keep writing for the last five years in the hope that I can get my light to shine; instead, I think I lost my moment six years ago.
How do you keep going when you lose all hope?
Ashton Gate, Bristol.
In 1984 I had the pleasure of seeing Billy Graham preach to a full stadium at Bristol's Ashton Gate. The stadium at the time held around 25,000 people; all the stands were packed, and there were hundreds of people sitting on the pitch.
People came from all over the South West to see the great man as this was the only appearance in the area; the next closest was in Birmingham, some 100 miles away.
1984 was a significant year for me; I can't say what I witnessed changed me, but it did a little to ease my mind as I was going through a rough patch with not only my parents but with my inner self.
I had many doubts about where my life was going at the time; I had recently taken to going back to church services and found a little inner calm in my life.
Grandparents are the gift of the Lord.
For me, Christmas is a time to think of the people I never had the opportunity to get to know.
To any grandchildren out there, appreciate your grandparents and learn from their wisdom; I never knew mine as my grandmother died when I was only three, and a few years later we moved away from our family in Yorkshire when my father got a job in Bristol.
The next news I had of my grandfather was that he died when I was 16, as I was at college at the time I was unable to say my goodbye to a man I admired, even if I didn't have the opportunity to know him.
I should have quit four years ago.
The only thing I am sad about is that what I'm doing should have happened four years ago, when I was at the top, at that time I could have gone out with a smile not an attitude of vitriol and disdain to the last decade.
The only resolution I aim to keep
I resolve not to write next year.
I hope you are enjoying this blog as this month will probably be the last you can keep up with my news; I am losing interest in writing and life in general.
This sentiment is nothing new; I have felt like giving up for the last four years after the success of Forgestriker everything has gone downhill faster than a train with no brakes.
I kept hoping for an upturn in my fortunes, but it never came, so in the end, I got forced to admit that I wasted the last ten years trying to earn a rep for myself as a writer.
The one thing that kept me back - other than not pushing how good I thought I was at writing - is that without money you get nowhere in life.
After this month, I will not be writing, so my last two e-books will never see the light of day; most likely they'll end up in the trash pile like the rest of the writing I did this decade.
A time of hope for writers.
It's that time of year again- PitMad - the time when publishers ask for submissions and writers send in a summary of the latest they are offering.
I did enter a few years ago, and I did get a nibble from a publisher in the USA, but it came to nothing, the problem is until this year I had not published a romance, though I do have some on file unfinished.
A Sailor's love - shown here - is one such story.
Deadlines are not a concern for me if I can get inspired to write; usually, I write with no deadline set, once I did set a deadline for some friends to get sent a story - October 18th - (my birthday).
Two days before the day in mind I was ill and hadn't written all that week, knowing I was sick my friends told me there was no rush to get the story to them. I didn't want to disappoint them as they were enjoying my series - Chronicles of Mark Johnson - in the end, I pushed myself the extra mile and got the story to them with a day to spare.
The only deadline I have now is for my last e-books for next year, next year is an indefinite timeline, it could be January, or it could be November.
Better for me than Facebook.
It is hard work getting the readers to my Wordpress blog - hereiamattheedgeblogspotcouk.wordpress.com/blog/ - but it gets more posts read than I do from Facebook.
The gulf between dreams and reality.
Find out how my dreams differ from reality on this link - hereiamattheedgeblogspotcouk.wordpress.com/2018/12/05/all-i-want-for-christmas/ - at one time, my hopes and dreams were the same, but a decade of fighting people with money to promote their books killed my hopes.
In some ways I do.
The only reason I miss my X-box One - www.alsdominion.co.uk/home/xbox-one - is that for the moment, I am without a Blu-Ray DVD player.
I would have liked to have played more of the games I bought, but I didn't have the concentration power needed to play, and I am not one for the online games that are all the rage.
The only game I did play was PES 2017, that is because the controls are easy to master.
I had to sell my machine to pay a bill.