Do NOT dream of better things to come.
This post is not a sad Sunday post as you may think; it is about my life in general.
I wonder how much of my feeling of hopelessness can get attributed to finding out that I was not wanted? I doubt there is much in that news as I have always felt there was something wrong with me, mentally.
For years, I dreamt of being a writer, that was my first big mistake - dreaming of achieving something of note in my life - the cards were on the table even in my school days when I was I told that I had no concept of grammar.
Sure, I can tell excellent stories, but to be able to write them down is another problem. Still, I lingered in the dream that one day I'd be able to earn some money writing.
I did have a little success four years ago with my series of science fiction e-books, but that only lasted a few months; since then I kept going on fumes, until this year, when even the fumes of a distant hope ran out.
Over the past year, I have plenty of time to think things over; I can come up with several reasons not to die, but not one to keep living. To find a reason to live I would need to believe there is something good to come for me, and I can't think of anything that comes close to being good.
I've been forced to sell things and cut back to the point I rarely leave my room as all my money goes to paying the bills; is this all my life will be from now on?
This blog is an excellent example of my life; I spend hours writing stories for you to read, and what do I get in return? A slight increase in readers for the blog, but nobody is willing to pay even $1.50 for months of work, would you go on for less than the price of a cup of coffee a week?
My e-book sales are so low I have not been paid in a year by Draft2Digital.
My last e-book is available from Amazon - www.amazon.com/-/e/B007U50BOI
I have several stories on here I could go writing, and many more either on file or as ideas in my mind, but to what end?
The Final Countdown www.alsdominion.co.uk/home/the-final-countdown has begun for me.
Whether it takes five days, five weeks, or five months is out of my remit to decide, the only thing for sure is I will not be writing by October at the latest.